I have found the Schwann man...German style!
"It all started one snowy day in December...."
I had a day off during the week in December once, and then mother nature decided I should not be permitted to have time alone in my own house so she created a snow day. There we were, Sweet Pea, Corn Niblet and myself cuddled together singing cumbaya (read as: I was trying to check FB, the TV was on, Sweet Pea was whining about not having pancakes for breakfast and Corn Niblet had no house shoes or robe on and had YET to respond to my 25th request for her to go get them) when the doorbell rang. Nobody moved, we looked at each other and said "was that the door bell?"
You see, no one comes to our house, our doorbell never rings unless it's the J man coming home from work or the girls have been outside playing and need back in the house. In my mind, I was quickly counting that we were all here, and then wondering why the J man would be coming home so quickly from work.
I opened the door to a teenager, asking me something (who knows what it was, I could barely register that it wasn't the J man, a wrong number, or the babysitters coming to save my day or offer to shovel snow) and then looking at me expectantly. I tried desperately to gleam on to anything I might be able to translate into some sense, but failed miserably and finally said the standard "sprechen eine English?". To which she replied the standard "a little".
Now, for some reason Germans think that saying they speak only a little English is something they have to say. Although it has been my experience that after they say this, they go on to lament in precise detail about the subject in question with perfect English and almost no accent at all. This is in stark contrast to me, when I say I speak a little (German, Spanish, French, whatever) I mean a little. As in -- I can throw in a word or two of German in my basically English sentence while I suddenly develop a European accent.
Well back to the story, she was the niece of the Eismann or something like that, and was handing out catalogues and getting the homeowner information. I jumped at the chance....a dream come true on a snow day....delivery of food! Now there is no need to go out at all when it snows, now all I have to do now is quit work!
We chatted a bit, her grandma makes this item # better but she loves this item # and can't tell her grandma that she doesn't like hers. We were very excited about the German ice cream being delivered, but of course this girl said that the ice cream store at the base (I won't mention it by name but it rhymes with Taskin Fobbins) has the best ice cream in the world! Really? Taskin Fobbins is what we're showing as our best? How embarrassing!
My cell phone rings a few days later with a number I didn't recognize. Yeah a call! Low and behold it's the Eismann asking if I have an order for him!! Well I had to say no, because what with the holidays I was a bit overwhelmed with life. He offered to call back after the new year.
Cut to Friday evening.........
Yeah a Call!
Him: "blah blah blah"
Me: "scusa?" (because when I don't know the German word I substitute any Europeanlanguage I DO know. I use the Italian scusa for excuse ALL the time here! I also will use the french accented pardon depending on what comes out automatically)
Him: "is blah blah there?"
Me: "nine" (see here I do use German for no! I must sound BRILLIANT to people that call me!)
Him: "this is not Mrs. Siville?"
Me: "OOOooohhhhh! Yeah, ah Ja!" (once again I must sound BRILLIANT to people that call me here!)
Him: "blah blah Eismann. Do you have any order tonite?"
Me: really embarrassed sounding "OH, I haven't had a chance to look at the catalogue yet really, I can get it now, just a min...opps...(crash)...oh darn it...wait, yes, yes here it is!"
Him: "I can call you another time. Monday maybe? Is 6 a good time?"
Me: "Yes, yes, that is good. I promise I will look at it now, and I will be ready for your next call"
Him: "no problem, it is my job. I will call you Monday then. Thank you, bye"
Me: "Danke, Tschüs" (Now this part of the conversation I am sure of!)
So, I sat down and circled an ice cream choice, a fish choice, a potato (hopefully a good tater tot substitute for the J man) choice, and an apple dessert choice. There is alot Sweet Pea and I wanted to try - although she was pointing to everything we already knew what it was; like chicken wings, and chicken strips while I was trying to figure out what gooey stuff they could have put into some kind of meat lump?- But I only have 4 tiny drawers in my freezer so I have to try it all slowly.
Any way, I get the feeling he's gonna be calling me alot and I have to know what to say this time! I plan on getting to that gooey filled meat lump, but I need to start with things my family will like. Begin on a successful note, and then slowly deteriorate into the gooey meat lumps and the soup that looks like an eyeball may float up anytime.
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